Sunday, October 21, 2007

Dear Mister Eatin' ain't Cheatin'...

Can I just say that buying expensive drinks at über trendy hotspots downtown isn't enough. I mean, sure, thanks for picking up my tab for the entire evening with my maneater girlfriends, but that simply won't cover it. I'm sorry that five minutes of your time and one glass of wine cost you the price of a really fantastic high end bottle of cabernet sauvignon, but I'm sure you'll understand.

You see, I sort of hate men like you. You know, the ones who think they can buy their way to the female promise land. Like 5 minutes into shallow wine conversation and a $200 tab is going to get you anywhere with a girl like me. I hate men who objectify hot women like me, and you are no exception. Let's be honest. You don't give a flying phuck about me, what I do, what I stand for or how much smarter I am than you. Now kindly, sir, put down the chocolate covered strawberries, take back your room key and do your best to pretend we've never met. I strongly recommend you do it prior to me extinguishing my cigarette on your face. That, and the burly door man thinks your room key is mine and that could become very confusing when he knocks on your hotel room expecting to see me naked.

I mean this very sweetly... go the fuck away please.

Who the hell says "eatin' ain't cheatin''" when I show my wedding band, anyway? Loser!

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