Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Guest Blog: From Hot Girl to Baby Mama to Mommy Blob to MILF

Dear Readers, I'm finally getting around to featuring some of the fun and amazing people in my network as guest bloggers. First up is the free spirited Heather M. from Firestone, CO who dishes on baby fat and shedding nearly 20 pounds to reclaim her inner MILF. Enjoy!
I remember asking a dear friend of mine after having my baby, “ How long until I feel like myself again?” She smiled sweetly and said, “About a year.” 

Fast forward to my daughters 1st birthday and I'm looking in the mirror before all 40 guests arrive and I catch a glimpse of all my chins and grimace. I think, "Well it’s been a year and I am not proud to say but I am still carrying around with me the extra 20 baby pounds and even a few extra." Ughhh, I hate myself! 

Here's what I've done during the last three months to  get back to my pre-baby state:

Step 1.) Come to the realization that the baby weight doesn’t just fall off! Don’t believe those skinny bitches that tell you that. Or the moms who nurse long enough for their kids can walk up and ask for it.

Step 2.) Realize that Bulimia isn't an option. It involves puking which is gross and ruins your pretty teeth, and even though laxatives use the other exit, it's still as gross which leaves you with the unfortunate obvious solution: diet and exercise.

Step 3.) My next choice was based purely on laziness. I called Jenny Craig where they tell you what to eat and what to do.  (After that I felt pleased with myself and ordered a pizza!) However, I learned early on that you could just count calories with the same effect. So if you have a smart phone or computer just download the livestrong.com app.

Step 4.) If you're serious you have to start by eating breakfast, a mid-morning snack, lunch, an afternoon snack, dinner, and an after dinner snack and keep it all under 1200 calories. This will boost your metabolism and help you from over eating. Its sounds harder than it actually is. Though, don’t get me wrong you will be hungry - I was starving. No wonder there's a book called the skinny bitch diet since that is exactly what I am without food. A bitch!

Step 5.) After two weeks of watching calories, including no alcohol (I know that blows), start mixing 30 minutes of exercise 3 times a week - even if it’s just walking.

With these five steps I was able to drop 18 pounds in 3 months. It was a painstakingly slow process but now I feel like me again, my goal jeans fit and I feel fabulous. 

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