Saturday, August 11, 2007

An Oracle works at the Bobbi Brown counter...

It's true. As un-posh as I sometimes declare my existence to be, I am actually tres fortunate to posses a great friendship with an exquisite beauty expert. This girl has a very intimate knowledge of the power of beauty. Yes, she is wise beyond her flawless foundation and is the master of breaking down girl drama so that even I (aka the socially retarded) can understand it.

On trifleing : Don't do it. Just think about what you'd do if your man was thinking about doing it? I have to remind myself about Bob all the time. Don't do it, don't do it. Bob. Bob. Bob. It works, really!

On the Big D: I'd advise against it, you haven't exhausted all of your avenues yet. Anyone who recommends a divorce to you is not your friend. Look at each of our parents, they've had their ups and downs. At times they just hated each other! And now that they're all old and crutsty and nobody wants them, look at them... they still have each other.

On men: Come on, this is a no brainer. They're men, they're retarded. All you have to do is stroke their egos. Men's egos are so enormous, one could hardly fit in this entire room! Just suck it up a little and tell them how much you appreciate their hard work. Even though you clearly work just as hard, often for half the wage and zero recognition. Give them what they need, and get what you want. Bob calls me out when he thinks I'm transparently stroking his ego, but if he is so concerned he should stop telling me to tell my friends to do it.

On career challenges: You can do it, you're super smart and have always been very capable. I can't believe how much you've accomplished already... I put eyeliner on people for a living and disect drama for coworkers and customers. It's just less stress for me that way. And trust me, I've heard everything.

On Beauty: It's actually alot of work to look like you're wearing no makeup. Look at me, I may appear natural looking, but I have at least 15 different products on. And last night I had sushi and broke out over here (motions to chin) but you'd never be able to tell because I used salicylic acid underneath my concealer. Buy it from drug stores, not a high end line if you want quick results with a 2% formula.

Damn. The girl is so good, it's poetic.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Connect With Me

Main Topics

Drama Fabulous Nerds

Grab My Button

copy and past the code below to add my blog button

Blog Archive

Blog Designer

Blogs made by Cherry Lemon Blogs