Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Just try not to look him in the eye...

If I ever met her (with the aid of a time machine), June Cleaver would punch me hard in the face.
Your husband arrives home from work. He walks through the front door with weighted feet and you're standing right there at the perfect moment, giddy to greet him. He's had a very long, trying day and is completely eager to come home to decidedly greener pastures (i.e. you). He lets out a great big sigh of relief that the work day is done and gazes affectionately over to you. You're ecstatic to see him too. You put the basket of freshly folded laundry down on the floor and move in for an embrace. He's home, you're happy, it's all just apple pie! Isn't it?

Right before you get to the part where you're imagining yourself in a 1960's episode of Leave it to Beaver, you realize that your laundry isn't clean at all. Infact, you've just barely started to load the washer at 4:30 in the afternoon. Never mind that June Cleaver would have dinner on the table, you haven't been to the grocery store in weeks. Now, you'll have to order out.

And what's that you're wearing? It's not an apron, or a dress, or a matching pantsuit. It's not even faded jeans and a crumpled t-shirt. No dear, you haven't cleaned, cooked or even dressed yourself today. That's why you're still clad in wrinkled pajamas and hair done up in a scrunchie. A freaking scrunchie for crying out loud! A scrunchie!

Your husband narrows his brow and begins to squint in your general direction. Your once happy mate is now examining exactly what it is he's come home to. When he first walked through the door, his expression excitedly read, "This is what I have!" and sadly digressed to a somber, "This is what I get".

From then until now has felt like an eternity inside your head, but really, it has only taken a couple of minutes to shift the mood from a once gleeful exchange, to a disappointing, "Same shit, different day" head shake.

Women everywhere cringe at your lackluster failure to run a household and work from home in parallel. Luckily, it's only Monday. Tomorrow, you say, I'll be better.

4 comments:

  1. Found your blog looking for MY blog on Picket Fence Blogs - Ha! And anything with Lipstick in the name HAS to be good, right. Luckily, I stuck around long enough to read but I was wrong. It's not good...it's Great! Thanks for sharing ~ I've answered the door to the FedEx guy in my pajamas and no bra. He's not been seen since.

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    Replies
    1. Hey Lipstick blogger - thanks for visiting and for your super kind comments! I visited your blog as well and think we have a lot of awesome and humiliating experiences in common. Your FedEx guy is totally missing out. Cheers! :)

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  2. Your so crazy hard on yourself. You are more glamorous than any real women I know and even without make up and whatever your natural beauty s over the top. I am sure he looked at you like, " thank god I am home. There you are! My person!"

    Love you lady!

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    Replies
    1. Awww thanks Heather, your comment made me smile! I'm slowly getting back on track and even cooked dinner last night. We really need to clink glasses soon, let's put something on the calendar!

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